Every 4 years about Inauguration time I start to think about what we need to move forward in the country we love, America. I’m not a political person, I’m about as middle of the road as a person can be. As far as joining any one political party, I can’t because I understand the objectives and support both sides of an issue. My personality and nature has a name, and it’s  called the “Peacemaker”.  True.  Primarily this means supporting my own inner peace but living in this world, I’d like to see peace among people, America, and the nations across our planet. If there is anyone who doesn’t, it’s time they do some serious soul searching. And maybe some counseling, too.

But this isn’t about me or the world. Right now it’s about America and it’s division. It drives me crazy. These last 4 years have been exhausting to me because you know what I’m all about. So, is there anything I can do to help this divisive relationship? Because that’s what our political style is basically two parties trying and vying to best manage and run one country, one state, or one city.  It’s not unlike a marriage. Two parties with their own unique personalities, their own backgrounds and upbringing, their own race, religion, goals, and dreams united to live in a harmonious relationship. Some are successful and some aren’t. So what makes a relationship of two entities grow and transform into a blissful union?

With Valentines Day looming I thought what a better time to seek advice to help answer this question. What I found is food for thought. If every American would contemplate, choose the mean,  and strive to improve this complicated political relationship, we might be able to work toward a peaceful union in America, the tie that binds us. 

In no particular order, this is what I found concerning behaviors that promote a good relationship:• Have honest and open communication- both parties involved in this communication needs to feel safe to allow this conversation to happen.• Show respect instead of overstepping boundaries- no attacking, no name calling, no laughing at each other’s expense (I include sarcasm here as sarcasm beyond a certain point in a relationship is a terminating act). Remember your manners within your discourse.• Be open to new ideas instead of always closed. LISTEN very carefully to each other and understand a different perspective.• Avoid accumulating negative emotions. These emotions lead to nothing but difficulty in communicating with each other. This causes angry reactions as opposed to a fruitful building of the relationship.• Treat each other as equals no matter what you may not like about the other. • Use integrity and honesty instead of deception, supremacy, manipulation, aggression, oppression, bossiness, or submissiveness. However honesty and integrity do not trump tactfulness.  Do watch your manner of expression. Manipulation by the media is a cause of our division. We have to realize it is there and must filter it out. This is a skill all responsible  citizens need and should have.  Just look at Germany in the 30’s and 40’s when one point of view was forced upon the general population. • Appreciate each other and their perspective. • Avoid being overly critical, holding grudges, criticizing every little thing or taking everything personally. • Avoid blaming. Take the blame when you’re wrong, be able to apologize, and don’t be afraid to change your mind if you’re wrong. However most issues don’t have a right or wrong, just a continuum of perspectives from left to right. In my own judgement the only wrongs are moral offenses and injustices against humanity. • Embrace your differences, understand each other’s expectations, don’t consistently put yourself and your needs first or last. Don’t try to change each other. Make the time to hear, ponder, and try to understand each other. Do not put forth unrealistic expectations of each other, accept each other as you are. • Don’t create unnecessary drama. Inflating the consequences of day to day differences should not be used as a tool because it only divides. • Do not stand in constant judgement• You must not have an us versus them mentality. • Do not betray others confidences. In other words no gossip, talking behind the other’s back, no name calling, slander or other forms of a betrayal of the relationship. • Never beat the other into a corner with ultimatives or other forms of manipulation. A good example from this last 4 years is “unfriending, ghosting, and ignoring” on social media and society. 

These seem to me as good guidelines. I think we all know these things or have heard them before.  However, do we as citizens practice them in our political relationships?  Do we practice these between friends, colleagues, and neighbors of a different political persuasion or party? Do we follow these suggestions in our social media? Maybe even more importantly do our politicians recognize and use these in their interpersonal relationships between members of the two parties as they try to do the best for our country?  They represent us, so if you see them abusing these requirements for a healthy relationship, It behooves you to let them know. It’s easy to contact our government officials so make sure you are. Furthermore call for the media, celebrities, friends, and families to discuss using these guidelines.   Instead of only focusing only on the ends, let’s focus more on the means. 

I challenge every person who reads this to strive to take the high road in this relationship between our two parties and hold others accountable too.